So, I’m back from vacation. Here is a list of things that happened right before and after vacation:

1. Air conditioner broke, froze pipes used to heat house.

2. Pipes burst, basement flooded.

3. Cleanup. Discover that repair will need three different people. Procrastinate.

4. Older son cuts hand, requires ER, three stitches.

5. Hall door is found to harbor mold. That was the smell.

6. Scrape door. Find bees nest. Spray a lot. No effect. Caulk up the holes and spray with clorox.

7. Doctor’s visits. Lots of them. Spray more clorox on mold.

8. Car is found to be two months behind on inspection. Freak out. Try to schedule inspection. Fail. Procrastinate. Spray more clorox on mold.

9. Cracked tile found in dining room (newly installed tiles as of two months ago). Freak out. Call tile installers.

10. Ice maker broken. Give up trying to fix it. Buy ice trays. Yay for old-fashioned ingenuity.

11. CT scans, MRI’s, balance testing. Barfing ensues.

12. Dingleberry found on cat. Removal of said dingleberry. More barfing, cat and human. Note to self: never feed cat human tuna packed in sunflower oil.

13. Husband goes to India for 7 days. Read news reports of terrorist bombing in India obsessively. Spray more clorox on mold.

14. Couple more doctor visits. Allergist insists that younger son needs big huge ginormous asthma chamber aero thingie to ingest inhaler medicine correctly. Discover that son needs to cart this to middle school, not good for 11 year old image. Decide to stash big huge ginormous asthma chamber aero thingie at nurse’s office instead of in backpack. Get reprimanded by said allergist for owning two cats. One of which is fond of dingleberries. Spray more clorox on mold.

15. Rent movie. Sleep. Dream of moldy dingleberries.